(un)TIMELY: met gala!

Whenever I get on a roll with other writing stuff, I get way inspired to write on THIS BLOG and then I drop everything else and just write here and then...I never get anything done. I am not, as they say, SPECTACULARLY TIME EFFICIENT.

Sue me. (You'd probs win about $600 USD, a few choice issues of RAYGUN magazine and more vintage polyester frocks than you will know what to do with. I hope that's ok with you)

I never did a Met Gala post. I want to do a Met Gala post.
HERE WE GO.

CATEGORY 1
BEST EVER OR I DIE OR FUCK THAT LOOKS SO GOOD

C SEVS IN PROENZA SCOULER

Fuuuuuuuck. This is perfection. Wait, this is beyond that..this is life goal. 

It's the kind of thing that shouldn't look good on like, anybody and you can't tell anyone about, they just have to SEE it on you ("Um, it's like..a long-sleeved teal lace dress, with kind of a mock turtleneck?"). World please note: The night of the party it was about 98 degrees, raining and humid as hell- a lovely RAIN FOREST LIKE evening. HOW DOES SHE LOOK SO UN-SWEATY?

BONUS SEVS LOVE (also in lace!):

If wearing eye make-up didn't make me look like a 13-year-old trying to sneak into DA CLUB..I would go for this weird eyelid stripe.

Anyways, back to the GAAAAAALLLAAAAAAA

CHARLOTTE GAINSBOURG IN BALENCIAGA (bien sur, doy doy doy)

Ok, at least SHE looks like what I would look like- and that is to say sweaty as fuck. I could personally care less what happens on her head, body, hand, neck, ears, WHATEVAH. Let's have REAL TALK about her below-the-ankle situation: That shit is BAY NAY NAYS increds. You know when I miss not working at a fashion magazine anymore? When I have the need to just HOLD a shoe like that. E.G. RIGHT NOW.

GRACE CODDINGTON IN...A FORMAL SANDAL

Hey, commit to your look..Whatevs it was a WORK party, basically I applaud it and I applaud your hair. Fuck those gowns! It was hot as hell that night!

THE ZOE IN MARC JACOBS

 

This is glorious. I want it. I wanna pet it. Gimme that.

CATEGORY 2

BEST USE OF A MOGWAI

CHRISTINA HENDRICKS IN SOMETHING, I DON'T WANT TO LOOK IT UP.

Rough night for a smoky eye. Um..why is Gizmo on her shoulder? JUST WONDERING.

At least she had this to entertain her throughout the night:

CATEGORY 3

I KNOW THIS IS A VOGUE PARTY, BUT I KINDA WANTED TO GET BAPTIZED AS WELL...CAN ANYONE OUT THERE HELP ME?

ALT & WHOOPI G

Oh, score. Thanks guys. Meet me at the fountain?

makin it happen

Some sneaky peeks at the shoot I styled a few days ago for my favorite breakfast partner Ms Amanda Warner aka MNDR. We did her press shots and some editorial shiz for a Weiden+Kennedy magazine.

She looked so fucking good...if I do say so myself (and I just did). Here are just some randoms i had a second to snap...

Karen Walker sunglasses // Nicholas K FW10 jacket // Sophomore NEW YORK tee // Mara Hoffman leggings

Kris Van Assche sheer blazer // Mara Hoffman bathing suit (as shirt) // OAK sheer +lycra bike shorts // Pamela Love lattice bib necklace & rings // Pipertree Jewelry crystal necklace (a gift made for me that I ADORE!) // CHRISHABANA cross necklace // Amanda's signature glasses

Mara Hoffman metallic wool moto jacket // my own crocheted vintage crop top // Mara Hoffman bathing suit (as shirt) // Pamela Love sacred heart necklace // Nicholas K FW10 pants

SO MUCH JEWWWREE: Beaded Mara Hoffman harness, a hangtag necklace that Sunshine made and sent me, some of my own crafts, some of my own sunglasses, borrowed metal Karen Walkers, Black Sheep & Prodigal Sons solid gold honeycomb necklace, lots of Pamela Love, some CHRISHABANA, my neon Guatemalan scrunchie from last summer's Vision Quest.

Karen Walker sunglasses // Nicholas K FW10 jacket // Sophomore NEW YORK tee // Mara Hoffman Leggings // my own SOCKMAN socks // my own Jeffrey Campbell Snick platforms // my own Black Sheep & Prodigal Sons knuckleplate ring //Amanda's own necklace

Random street vendor sunglasses // Electric Feathers jumpsuit // Black Sheep & Prodigal Sons knotted leather necklace & braided horsehair piece (worn as belt) // Amanda's own bracelet

I am sooooo happy with the shoot. Tim Saccenti, the photographer, was incredible and Amanda is a fucking star.
Can't wait to show you all the real deal holyfield photos...coming soon!

don't shake it

Today is THE DAY!
What day, you ask? The day, my dear friends, that THIS GUY:

My dear old SX-70 land camera, purchased in college for $40 at the height of my Charles & Ray Eames obsession*, will finally be PUT BACK TO WORK.

How's that?

POLAROID FILM IS BACK!
The Impossible Project, who took on the task, has done the impossible and saved analog instant joy.

It's called PX SilverShade  / First Flush
Right now it comes in 100 & 600 ASA, and is only sepia and B&W but color is coming by the end of the year! The film is universal for any working Polaroid camera that uses the battery pack film (SX70s and 600s are the best).

Are you happy happy and full of joy?
I AM.
It's $22 bones for 8 frames but I don't wanna hear ya complaining.You can order it on their site starting today.

The darkslide comes with secret messages!
Before it develops, the film is YVES KLEIN BLUE!
It's delicious. I am high on life.

Time to make some magic.

THANK YOU IMPOSSIBLE PROJECT!!!!!


PS: *watch this movie!!!!

i think i prefer version 1.0

Are you a fan of literally-straight-off-the-runway looks, ornate frames and somewhat correct English? Then please direct your attention to Anna Dello Russo's bloggy blog.

My amici Paolo from Dolce & Gabbana posted the URL on Twitter the other day and I have been thoroughly enjoying it ever since.

Here is the real gem of the site though, Anna as captured by Helmut Newton in 1996!

SO FUCKING COOL.
She reminds me of Stella Tennant!

I want more of this ADR, version 1.0 !!!!
What we need is a Hot Blog Time Machine...Can someone get on that? Yeeeeeeahhhhh theenks.

top of the pops

You guys...is Princess Tiamamiamiamlamadingdongalong actually the baby Jesus? Or just the star of Jersey Shore: Babies? (like Muppet Babies, just tanner!)

ALL HAIL BABY SNOOKS. PRINCESS T'WOWWWWWW

THIS IS UNREAL. I CAN'T WITH YOU, BABY. 

Or maybe..I can? 

Bless me, my child. 

Please raise your chubby spray-tanned peace sign hand, laden with a teenytiny LV purse full of what I can only imagine is gold dipped Zwieback cookies and a FisherPrice iPhone, high above your bleached curls and BLESS ME. 

I am mesmerized by your Zen-like stare.

England is really kicking your ass in psychotic child rearing, LA. Mabes you want to CATCH UP.

Here are some pertinent photo references to undertand the above message:

 

 

Thank you for your time.

buffalo stance

I was very generously given a MOUNTAIN of old magazines and books by a friend who recently moved.

If you are looking to preruse all the late 90s and early aughts issues of i-D magazine, COME OVER. I made some chili. We can drink hot toddies and get giddy together.

I plan to give yous some old fashion print based fashion mind blowings at least once a week; I have already started marking spreads and stories and superdupes greatness. As they say, WATCH THIS SPACE !

girdleloo

Attention please, everyone...WHITE LIGHTNING QUIZ TIME!

Do you have your scantrons and dixon ticonderogas at the ready? Mmkay, here we go.
What does this working gal:

...have in common with THIS workin gal?

Hint: APPARENTLY, they both love to shop at the As Seen On TV store at the Paramus Park mall.

Ok, ok, you give up?
They are both wearing...these girdles?



Yes, bloggyblogtowners. what I am telling you is that Gagaloo's costume for the AMA's is the same backfatsucker that is pictured in the above video. KYMARO x HAUS OF GAGA collaboration??

Amazing. Paging USWeekly/InStyle/ladymagseverywhere and their STAR LOOKS FOR LESS columns...Dress like Gaga for $39.99 AND look 10 pounds thinner! It's geeeenballs, really. All you need to finish it is some sort of excavated exoskeleton (free AND green!) et VOILA, you've got the LOOK.

PS, I am only half kidding about the Kymaro x Haus of Gaga collection..they could make some seriously dope bodysucking sheath situations together...some red lace bike short girdles, fake bloodsoaked bustiers, holographic bodysuits? Who knows, sky is the limit; Opening Ceremony would be all over that shit!

wishlistin'

Thank you W magazine, Craig McDean & Alex White for the sartorial pornographic bounty we are about to receive. (yellow brackets and !s, mine)

Rodarte S/S 2010 Alien cage shoes of certain death. Those heels are made of nuts n' bolts, right? Fantastically cunty looking. Do the Mulleavy sister secretly take out their aggression in their shoe design? Inquiring minds want to know. (PS: clear Prada bags, I don't hate it!)

Miu Miu S/S 2010! sighsighsighwowowowow. These are the shoes I dream of, they have everything i love and need.
Giant chunky pattern height! They are the juiced up version of the Miu Miu S/S 06 ka-pow print platforms I wish I had (I have these instead, still love them but they don't make me TALL and white patent leather doesn't age so great.).
I LOVE THIS COLLECTION. What a filmy sparkly muted lightbritedelight. I also want to be Siri Tollerod, if you want to know everything.
Obvi Chloe Sevs has been out and about in S/S 2010ness already and looked amazing. Jellyballs.

PRADA CHANDELIER HEELS, CHANEL CLOGS, PHI BOOTS. All S/S 2010, obvi. All desperately musthaveable. All in my dreams and hope and wants.

I know I am somewhat alone on this Prada shoe lust, but these plasticities are so many wrongs that fill me with rightdelight. CLEAR. CHUNKY HEELS. VELCRO. CRYSTALS. This is bananas and I am giddy. I want to wear them with dark grey ribbed tights and a beat up denim dress and be happier than I have ever been, mmkay?

I never stopped loving clogs and at least now I can get them skyhigh (if I win the lottery) from the Haus of Karl. Clogs4lyfe.

DISCUSSION POINT: PHI makes the DUH-HOPEST chunkyclunkybitchy ankle boots EVER. Kinda wonder why they aren't more on the forefront of internet WANT buzz? I COVET THEM SO HARD.

Please let the record reflect that Phi is my number one WANT for S/S 2010. DEAR ANDREAS MELBOSTAD, TAKE PITY ON ME. Please send boots, must have to live. K, theeenks.

EDIT! SAY IT AIN'T SO, PHI TO CLOSE DOWN?! balls.


900 million other looks with the rest of the slideshow here.

rah rah ohmahgah

This is what we talk about when we talk about GENIUS.

GAGA BARBIES. Holy fucking moly. He has DIY notes and turtorials on his flickr as well!
I am speechless and full of awe and envy. 'veik11', I SALUTE YOU.

Now you know what I want for Christmas.

thanks kara!

painting the roses red

When I saw the pictures of my Lady and that lady...my first thought was, "How absolutely DEMURE, Gaga!"

And really, it strikes me as nothing but LOGICAL to dress like the Queen of Hearts/aVictorian Satan worshiper/a very sexy deflated balloon animal when meeting the Queen.

But then I thought...Hmmm, she does seem a but PLAIN...what's missing, pray tell?

AH, OF COURSE. A SHAKESPEAREAN RUFF. Clearly!
What does one do in a full latex ensemble, anyways?

This, OBVIOUSLY.

My heart just keeps growing fonder and fonder of you, Steffie.

PS, If you should so desire (and I secretly do), the Lady gets her latex from Atsuko Kudo...maybe you should too?

in my dreams

One day I will do something worthy of allowing me to appear somewhere wearing this outfit.
I am completely serious, I consider this a PERFECT LOOK.

Ok, let's get real. I would wear this anywhere, forget "spesh occasions".  
Let's fangirl all over it, shall we?
1. Off-kilter bouffant. No one really needs to see this much of my face, btw, but I still would love to walk around like this. Mental note, buy giant bumpits and DIY it.
2. White mink shoulder stole straightjacket topper. Lurve.
3. Long flowy sequined skirt (dress?)with whats-his-name on it, increds. 

and and AND:

4.A JUDITH LEIBER BAG. I have always had a dark secret love for JL novelty bags..they are so synonymous with expensive tacky aunt but I LOVE THEM.  
I LOVE THEM.


Whyyyyyy wouldn't you want a bejeweled pavé glittery forestdwelling creature slung across your body that you can fill with superimportant things like red lipstick, stray pennies, a button from god knows what, airplane peanuts, a lucky rock, grape hubba bubba and $11 dollars american (TMI?)

Here it is! Gimmmeeeee:

Or this one:

Or, okay, I WILL TAKE THIS ONE TOO:

UNFORTCH FOR OL' WL, these sweet, sweet jazzholes cost like, $3,800+ bones on the average and SO it reallllyyy REALLY will never be my own personal intense pleasure to own one. Very sad, this thing we call real life.

gaga, ooh la la

THIS IS IT, FRIENDS.
This is the moment.
If you love fashion, and don't love GAGALOO TOO..then you don't get the joke, you don't get the fun, you don't get the THING. You don't have to love the music (bad move) but you have to LOVE THE LOVE.

Today I watched the Lady's new video, Bad Romance and to quote Polly Mellon in Unzipped..IT CHANGED MY EYE. That is to say this shit is THE ONLY LEVEL.

This is also a pretty offish landmark for ol' Lady Gags- no more homemade couture "homage"... There is ALEXANDER MCQUEEN and it is REAL.

LET'S LET IT ALL IN:



FIRST SHOT: WE ENTER HEAVEN.
And HEAVEN looks like a Dolce & Gabbana ad! If you were wondering, I audibly GASPED when it started. I love.



Um, this is the only way to sit in a chair.



Mental note, dismantle old VCR and place parts on face, POST HASTE. [ED NOTE, eek they ARE razor blades. I am not that hardcore!] I mean, this is 30 seconds in and already 4000 mega fashion moments have happened.



But then..Que es esto, La Gaga? Nail mesh? (Is this also bizarre product placement?)

Oh, and if you were WONDERING Where the Wild Things Are?



They are here:



good grief, creeper latex Max costumes! Holy Whaaaa. WILD RUMPUS, INDEED.



Hey kids, REMIND ME TO D I for Y this kooky crown.



There is some sort of story in the vid of like..an overdose? Bad Romance indeed, Gags. This hair is neo-Frenchy-in-Grease. I want easter egg curls, i think. Anime freak eyeballs, mabes no.



Who's this guy? Is that couture headgear?



I am ready to move past this look. I call this "Hot Bod Gagalog", or "Dope Britney". it's sexxxay, but I need more. (...and more is coming, JUST YOU WAIT)



Oh hai.



PSSST i see you, MCQUEEN SHOE, I SEEEE YOUUUUU. (fashionforeshadowing!)



Sing alongggggg: I want your love and I want your revenge



I want your love, I dont wanna be friendsssssss



OK. I just got you started up, are you ready?
Ready for the MOST MAJOR MOMENT EVER?



FULL



MCQUEEN



HEAD TO MOTHERFUCKING ARMADILLO TOE !



McQUEENADILLOS!!!!!!

I mean, I CAN'T. Can you? I can't. I am so in love.
STOP THE WORLD. GAGA OWNS IT ALLLLLLL.
NO ONE can best this. NO ONE!

2 MAJOR song notes:
1. 1990s Madonna impersonation is reaching an all-time high in this jam AS IT SHOULD. She shouts, "Cuz I'm a free bitch, baby" and it sounds ZACTLY like M.
2. The french chorus at the end is hilarimazing. J'adoreeeeeeee.

There is some amazing shit at the end of the vid too- bitch shows her full ASS and sets herself on fire on a bear rug but like, after the McQueen-adillos I have nothing left. I feel like this:



I LOVE YOU, LADY GAGA.