I truly think Cypress Hill's B Real set the bar for my true crotchthrob attractions for life. He's so FOXY. He is! Remember when he had that giant AFRO? Ohhh good GOD, I was so in love.
CALL ME
I bought the Black Sunday cassette from Sam Goody at the Boulder Run (F.L.O.W.-area kids, hollaaaa) and wore that tape out; I was so in love with it. Did my parents even bat an eyelash at this being blasted from my bedroom?!
They say HOME SKILLET in this song (I mean...) ! My deep love for Cypress Hill seems to make my Das Racist obsession seem to make a lotta sense, no?
Please allow me to also post the video for Stoned is the Way of the Walk. Not only is \my secretlover B Real is way hot here AND he is wearing a HOUSE OF PAIN tee. It's too good. TOO GOOD, I TELL YOU. (mental note...new ebay search, H O P tee is so necessary)
sorry bout the LAG in amazingness here brahs, i have been having INTERNETS ISSUES and therefore have been in computer rage.
let's catch up!
saturday was a RED LETTER DAY OF EPICNESS in whitelightningland..got 2 tickets to SNL rehearsals and on the list for the afterparty.
the musical guest was this lil gal named LADY GAGAAAAAAAA, maybe you've HEARD of HER? umm yeah, i was basically beside myself with excitement, i can't lie, dumb shit still gets me AMPED!
1. we had the duh-ooopest seats, front row center. everything was right in front of us!
2. we sat next to elijah wood? he laughed at the weirdest parts, i was like are we watchin the same show?
3. MADONNA SHOWED UP, not sure if you live in a cave or not (it's poss, reading this on 3G). she is VERY SMALL AND VERY SKINNY. and her face is not madonna anymore, its like an airbrushed photo or something. very odd.
4. GAGALOO needed about 6 people to help her to the stage for that 2nd song, the one with that gyroscopic metal sphere situation. hilarrrrity.
5. afterparty goss: GAGA ordered a pizza to the restaurant (DBGB) which maybe made me love her more. i was too scared to talk to her! okay??? she had TWO SECURITY GUARDS. also, she was wearing a black lace bra..as her outfit. amaze.
6.hotness report: ryan reynolds? totally hot. samberg: NOT HOT in person. seth meyers & jason sudeikis: seriously hot in person? my supercrush bill hader wasn't around, so i cannot give I R L review, but i love him anyways.
dear anonymous emmy winning oscar producing team member,
marry me? also: who are you?
also also: please disregard the fact that i sent this photo to my sister and her reply was "he looks like a thunder cat aaaaaaaand about 12 years old." my reply: IRRELEVANT
i think i love you?
call me.
salaciously yours, W.L.
EDIT: ok, this is why having a blog rules..MYSTERY SOLVED. the object of my affection is named ben schwartz (shana tova, ben. call me) and he's a comedy writer/actor/etc..oh and he has a blog. (thank you, kyle)
there comes a time in every longhairedbejangledbro-lovers life when certain bone fantasies need to be laid to rest.
a crotchthrob housecleaning, if you will.
as i did my daily perusal of dlisted (michael dlisted, when will we be the bff f f f f's that i know we are DESTINED to be?!) i saw this picture of my former epic and heartstopping crushtimes CISCO ADLER:
and (to quote the latina bitch in a chorus line) i felt NOTHING.
sad! what happened? he still rocks a motherfuckin JANGLE like no one's bizness, but..i mean...i dunno. it's not the same; i've lost that lusty lovin feeling.
perhaps my brainbonespace is too full right now? current lineup: the old dude from CSI, seth rogan in the 40 yr old virgin, a young pete townshend, chuck bass, mark ronson, and the top chef boygirl mindwarping heartbreaker.
this realization of MOVING ON sent me deep into THE DEEP DUSTY PAST aka my MYSPACE BLOG (oomg, whaaat) and i found this lil gem, enjoy it:
i shall now lay this lustiest of lustcrushes to rest. may your freakishly long balls rest in peace.
ASHLEY MERRIMAN of TOP CHEF is makin me palpitate a teeny tiny lil bit. ashley kinda looks like zach beirut's tougher cooler older bro except ummm ashley...is a girl? it's like when i watch the L word and shane makes me feel all funny. it kinda fucks with my program.
so far she has proved unremarkable chefwise but that means nothing to me..LOOK at her, totes hot tattooed brochef style, it's really getting me. sam mason, i am maybe over you?
i mean, you guys:
dying? DYING.
ps, i swear my weekend trip to seattle today was decided before i watched the episode and found out she is the chef at branzino in belltown...i SWEAR. i swear!
pps if you don't think i am eating there tonight you are SO FUCKING WRONG.
ppps ashley, CALL ME.
*wins for best use of clueless quote as longest fucking blog title ever. thank you.
thank god, you guys. THANK GOD. the hot boy ideal of my early formative years is making a comeback and i, for ONE, am THRILLED. LONG HAIRED CALIFORNIA BOYS!!
have you heard GIRLS? no? well, you need to. and you need to accept christopher owens as the second coming of the evan dando/dave pirner hot side-parted hair throbmaster ideal:
throb trinity
GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS! i cant believe i missed them in new york this month; i was tired and cranky and broke and now i regret it DEEPLY.
maybe you read this blog and so MAAYYYBEEEE you know about my kid cudi love? no?
well maybe you've met me this summer, somewhere between portland and baltimore, and i told you how much i love him, or made you play his remixes in your bar, or made you listen to it REALLY LOUDLY in a minivan on a highway somewhere in the country ?
maybe?
well consider this shit OFFICIAL. it's BLOGG'D; that's like an oath in blood, notarized by yr moms.
APPARENTLY boys with glasses with no glass in them and a twitter addiction make me feel a lil bit dreamy.
ohh, hi everyone. hi. i hate not posting everyday, it feels wrong and weird but long days and shitty hotel internet..."high speed" my arse (BRITISH!) make it so hard.
i do want to take this special minute to tell the world that i am in love again.
may i present the object of my affection:
VITO SCHNABEL, welcome to this illustrious and admittedly dubious distinction.
STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT. actually no, please, continue.
way. too. handsome. we saw him last night at the bar at HIX while we had dinner. i died approx 50 times and then one more time for good measure. sighhhhhhhhhhz.
dear jefferson hack publisher, kate moss baby daddy, anouck shagger, snappy dresser, older-yvanfacehunter-doppelganger:
stop making me feel funny, like when i used to climb the rope in gym class.
it's a constant battle between lusting after dirted up be-jangled wild haired bros and a clean cut DANDY in a JAUNTY BOW TIE. you are tipping the scales violently into dandy territory and i am not sure i can handle it.
