i mean

So..confused..WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU GETTING AT HERE?

This must be a thinly veiled sexual reference 4 billion times over, but..I'm missing it?
Please, be more EXPLICIT next time, Mr Jacobs. Subtlety is for lightweights !

gold soundz

I forgot to take a pic of my outfit for the Hole show a couple weeks ago. WHOOPSY, bad blogiquette.

 60S DRESS (HOUSE OF VINTAGE) // SEQUIN HOTPANTS (H&M) // GOLD PLATFORMS (D&G). NOT PICTURED: THRFTED WHITE FUR

I really went for it. And by that I mean I not only wore fur (it was freezing) and sequin hotpants, but I have recently acquired some truly DELIGHTFUL D&G wedges that are almost beyond description. All you need to know is that they are GIANT and GOLD.

PERHAPS YOU NEED A BETTER LOOK?

I. DIE.
The wedge is GOLD WOOD! They make me tall as hell, they are crazy easy to walk in and I feel a little bit like Bootsy Collins.

And why is that a bad thing?
SPOILER ALERT- IT ISN'T.

PS. Hole concert was good but WAY TOO SHORT..like 10 songs, INCLUDING the encore? C'mon Court! That's a little bit unfair. It was so fun though. A shining sea of tiaras and baby barrettes!

Apparently I was SPOTTED when we were walking out?! Kara & Doree overheard girls behind us saying "Omg, hey that's White Lightning!" OMG HEY PLEASE SAY HI NEXT TIME! Amazing!

i don't wanna think anymore

The duo of Gagaloo & Beyonce, Too finally (FINALLY) released the supervideo for Telephone and good fucking grief where do I even START?

Ok I will start....here. TEN MINUTES? Who has ten fucking minutes to watch a video? This shit is an epic in the fucking dictionary definition; my adult onset ADD does not really allow for focusing on something for more then 90 seconds at a time.

But I did it. FOR YOU GUYSand for the LOVE OF THE GA.

SO..in a brief sentence, what we have here is one a them "video movies" that were sorta popular in the 90s (Hellloooo Beastie Boys' Spike Jone directed Sabotage..which ps was still only abt 4 mins long) that is some sort of Kill Bill / Thelma Louise / Who's that Girl / 70s Lesbo prison porn mashup with chola eyebrows and Beyonce as a Vargas girl.

Allow me to attempt to run through the video and discuss Important Moments, the outfits (bitch has more major outfits than seems possible), the PRODUCT PLACEMENT (barf), call out some pop culture refereces as I see them, and try to understand what the fuck is going on.

 LET'S DO IT.

Whoa whoa whoa.
Someone loves the 70s.
Or a "feels like the 70s"..much like  in the aforementioned BBoys video:

or in the (totally underrated) Quentin Tarantino (more on his influence later) move:

Guess who else loves the 70s? THIS GIRL RIGHT HERE. So right off, I am kinda into this.

This, we are told, is "Prison for Bitches". As far as I can tell,  it is very warm there, as even the wardens have their tits out. Gagaloo (in Jean Charles De Castelbajac) will probs fit in just fine here. Except for the fact that one of them tell her "SAY GOODBYE TO FASHION".

NOT FUCKING LIKELY, BITCHES. (I can call them that, as it is a Prison For Them)

Hey hey heyyyyyy watch the leather, man!

"I told you she didn't have a dick" Guess it sucks to have started a rumor about yourself that just WON'T QUIT, huh Ga? Well, now we all know.

Cut to the prison yard, our heroine in chains (by Viktor & Rolf)
Time for some exercise! And maybe some fresh air...that is of course if she doesn't breathe in anywhere near her OWN FACE as her SUNGLASSES are made of LIT CIGARETTES (by Haus of Gaga, as if you had to wonder). I have to say, I wanna barf a little in my Diet Coke thinking of the smell.

[Product placement: The diamond headphones that she shills for are on an inmate rocking out in the yard]

Double barf thinking about having to kiss her at this moment, I mean..i can't. Thank god this chick is wearing sunglasses she might singe her eyebrows off.

I like that big girl in the back. She like...damn, now it's Burning Tobacco Glasses?! I just MADE this FUCKING HAIR BOW! Sheeeeeit.

PRODUCT PLACEMENT 2: A certain cellphone compant has their phone in her crotch. YEAH I BLURRED IT OUT, I AM NOT GETTING PAID FOR THIS SHIT.

SIDENOTE: Why would you want yr cellphone comapnay affiliated with a song where her fucking phone don't get her no service in the club? JUST WONDERING

SO MUCH IMPORTANCE, on so many levels. DIET COKE CAN CURLERZZZ! HAAAHHA omg that shit is so dope. I love it!
But what else is this about? Is that girl representing a young Stefani Germanotta at right? If i was writing this for a dissertation I would compare this to the theme of twins in Finnegan's Wake...ok, no I wouldn't,  I stole that whole reference from The Bell Jar I have never been anywhere near a copy of Finnegan's Wake.
Point being..IS THIS THE TWO SIDES TO GA? Young and unadorned, new and covered in crap?
WHO KNOWS, I DIDN'T WRITE THIS SCRIPT.

This is the most serious eyebrow game I have ever seen in my entire life. It makes Joan Crawford look like Whoopi Goldberg (get it? Whoopi HAS NO EYEBROWS). And obvi...the chola lip is so hot. SO HOT.

There was some crazy cat fight whatevs happening and then..HEY GAGA, PHONE CALL, BEYONCE´.
First Madonna reference, to my overcaffeinated brain..Shades of Desperately Seeking Susan?

Stretch? Shut it, this is my blog.

The SONG STARTS.
We are THREE MINUTES IN.
God this is long.

Not sure what this almost naked skinny mini dance scene is about; I guess this is for those of you who force your boyfriend into watching this and at this point he is really ready to bail, but then this comes on and he is like oh..wait.

GAHHHHHH ! GAGA PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET!!! (In Brian Lightenberg tape outfit)

PS, They show her with THAT PHONE AGAIN! In this get up! Where do you keep your phone in that?! (Don't answer that)

Someone bailed your ass out, lady (in vintage Mugler). I WONDER WHO?
One note on this "glove": we have taken it as far as we can haven't we, Fashion? A glove is now reduced to leather bits on just four of yr five fingers. Basta.

By the WAYYY...madonna reference #2:

SO Nikki Finn! Who's That Girl! She wears red lips and latex and studded jackets and major brows and the wardens are hired from the same Man Faced Scary Dyke casting agency.
You can't trick me, gurl. I am on to you.

See ya guys, my ride is here! It's...the Pussy Wagon? From..Kill Bill? What in the who...?
Shit gets weirdly Tarantino-ish from here, why didn't he direct this thing?????

Hi Beyonce! Sorry, "Honey Bee". Nice bangs!
They try to break down some deep shit here:
"Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger" and "Trust is like a mirror...something something who cares this makes no sense".
I don't know. Were you hoping I would unlock that mystery? Sors, I got nothing.

Um..you guys? Litering is really not cool.

So...now we're in a diner. And Gaga works in the kithen and takes the takeout orders from her brain with a bunch of produce queens dancing with heads of lettuce. This is the start of some sort of revenge death plot that we are never told about, where Beyonce is killing Tyrese with her d-eye-balls and a tiny bottle of poison, and Gagaloo is hosting her own Death by Sandwich Show on the bizarro Food Network.

This is the most delightful moment of the whole 985 minutes of this video.
YAY! LET'S MAKE A SANDWICH!! (Whisk maracas!)

Shades of poisoning Heather Chandler! Blue liquids (corn nuttssssssss).

Where are we? Beyonce's haus? Why? I dont know, the editing in this musical insanity is caraycray. I know you don't care, but I would love to have my hair look lke this say..EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.

Shit, she works hard for the money! She has to waittress here too?!?
We are anothier level- Hair telephone eyepatch! Hair telephone cord! 


Hmm. maybe I'm reading too much into this (why stop now) but...

...RIGHT? SORTA? YES.

Oh right.So..he dead. And like..other people are dead. Killer sammies. Homicidal bacon. Life-taking pancakes (I am just quoting from Zagats..this place has a bad rep)

We did it! We kiled everyone! We love America! LET'S DANCE IT OUT!
Gaga looks like Daisy of Love dressed like Bret Michaels.

I HAVE COME SO FAR, YET I UNDERSTAND NOTHING.

Then they peace out. And Jai from Queer Eye is a news reporter and everyone is dead (Kalifornia? Natural Born Killers? no?)

Then they dress like bee keepers and dance in the wind.
Then they pact a pact to run far far away and never come back.
Then...

Oh my god, really?
I DON'T HAVE THE TIME!
TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS NOW!

Ten minutes and 6,000 screen captures later, what have we learned? Tell me in the comments, I am fucking spent.


thank you kylie for the screenshot heads up and thank you nicola formichetti for always posting credits on your blog.

painting the roses red

When I saw the pictures of my Lady and that lady...my first thought was, "How absolutely DEMURE, Gaga!"

And really, it strikes me as nothing but LOGICAL to dress like the Queen of Hearts/aVictorian Satan worshiper/a very sexy deflated balloon animal when meeting the Queen.

But then I thought...Hmmm, she does seem a but PLAIN...what's missing, pray tell?

AH, OF COURSE. A SHAKESPEAREAN RUFF. Clearly!
What does one do in a full latex ensemble, anyways?

This, OBVIOUSLY.

My heart just keeps growing fonder and fonder of you, Steffie.

PS, If you should so desire (and I secretly do), the Lady gets her latex from Atsuko Kudo...maybe you should too?

in my dreams

One day I will do something worthy of allowing me to appear somewhere wearing this outfit.
I am completely serious, I consider this a PERFECT LOOK.

Ok, let's get real. I would wear this anywhere, forget "spesh occasions".  
Let's fangirl all over it, shall we?
1. Off-kilter bouffant. No one really needs to see this much of my face, btw, but I still would love to walk around like this. Mental note, buy giant bumpits and DIY it.
2. White mink shoulder stole straightjacket topper. Lurve.
3. Long flowy sequined skirt (dress?)with whats-his-name on it, increds. 

and and AND:

4.A JUDITH LEIBER BAG. I have always had a dark secret love for JL novelty bags..they are so synonymous with expensive tacky aunt but I LOVE THEM.  
I LOVE THEM.


Whyyyyyy wouldn't you want a bejeweled pavé glittery forestdwelling creature slung across your body that you can fill with superimportant things like red lipstick, stray pennies, a button from god knows what, airplane peanuts, a lucky rock, grape hubba bubba and $11 dollars american (TMI?)

Here it is! Gimmmeeeee:

Or this one:

Or, okay, I WILL TAKE THIS ONE TOO:

UNFORTCH FOR OL' WL, these sweet, sweet jazzholes cost like, $3,800+ bones on the average and SO it reallllyyy REALLY will never be my own personal intense pleasure to own one. Very sad, this thing we call real life.

camouflage for crazy people

Why don't I wear this more? (I have blogged it before and I think that was the last time!)



Serrrrrriously NEON pink cotton lycra dress with equally neon...trout? on it: Betsey Johnson archive (dont say vintage say ARCHIVE! TRES CHIC!).
This is early 80s Betsey...superfave of mine. I bought it in 2002 at a vintage store in the east village that isn't around anymore..I think it was like, 40 dollars or something insane like that.



I walked 3 blocks to a Duane Reade today and everyone stared at me.
It's pretty intense in the light of day, I will admit.

Should I wear it to my tarot reading tomorrow?

bifurcation nation

I am really tackling new frontiers this week...Get ready for it:

PANTS! Omigod.



If I am only going to own ONE pair of pants, I am pretty comfortable with it being Peggy Noland dropcrotch cheetah print ones with kneepatches and 2 sets of pockets. (the 2nd set are at the knees, duh).



Purchased at Peggy's boutique in Kansas City diuring the Vagabond Tour of Summer 09. I wore them all weekend and found them to be an absolute DELIGHT, if not QUITE the conversation starter.

Please note my bloglove doppelganger (bloggelganger?) in the top photo, Miss LouLou of LouLouLovesYou. Lou was in town for an all-to-brief visit from Londontown and not only did we get on famously, but we realized we look more than a lil bit alike? WEIRRRDDDDD! (But she has a much nicer accent and more alabaster complexion- jealz!).

PS In case you missed it the first time around, my lil interview with Peggy from July, girlcrush to the max.

all i want is everything

i would wear everything that alexandre herchcovich sent down the runway.
all of it. rubber babydolls, metallic hoboplaid shirts, crazy color pattern EVERYTHING.


those 2nd, 3rd, and 4th looks are RUBBER! give it

as the show progressed the volume just became more and more PRONOUNCED. there was a bit of a football pad situation that just went haywire...


red metal cage skirt! giant shouldered balloon shirt!

..until it culminated in a piece that was really wearing the model, it was like she was wearing a quarterback ballerina birdcage. i was so jealous i couldn't breathe.

LOOK



AT



THIS



i want to go to there. take me, please?