My closest friend and confidante, aka this 5 yr old Apple Powerbook, needs a lil T L C.
Old man river here likes to make a superloud superannoying whirring/dying/grinding/gagging noise..oh..I would say..CONSTANTLY?
AND SO: it's time to go to the laptopspital. 24 hours without it. Starting now.
At first I think I will act ok. Then I might start to shake. Then I will try to check Twitter on my composition notebook and become enraged when there are no updates. Then I will shout WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE YOUR OLDER BROTHER? at my iPhone. Then I will run to the Apple store on Ninth Ave and press my face up against the glass and mouth ILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOU over and over again.
Good Morning, hotsteppers & lyrical gangsters. I have a little Sensual SAT Prep question prepared for you.. Please have your pencils ready and eyes on your own paper.
Q: If I love my dear blöggerganger LouLou (who really IS my British twin)...
... and LouLouLovesYou, (by way of making the cuhuuuutest silky underyourclothessituations) how many pairs of knickers with hearts on the ass can I buy before I spend all my rent money?
When you have successfully finished the equation, please pass your scantrons –face down– to the front of the room.
Listen, world. I love a Juggalo joke and/or reference as much as the next over-informed-internet-addicted-pop-culture-irony-whore, but even so..this new Insane Clown Posse video is way too fucking much for my fragile mindgrapes.
The song is called Miracles. They talk about nature and planting seeds and the beauty of life on this earth...All while dressed like The Fat Boys in Disoderlies but with greasepainted goatees.
I mean..I CAN'T WITH THESE (shaggy) 2 (dope ) !!!!
Or can I?
Let's share some key moments, shall we?
First..Let me ask you (as the ICP asked me): A. Are you a believer in miracles. B. Do you have time for the miracles. And C. Do you notice and recognize miracles.
IF YOU ANSWERED YES, PLEASE CONTINUE.
1.This part...is about rainbows. Excuse me, "fucking rainbows". (My apologies, Mr. 2 Dope). They come out after it rains.
2. This part is where my darkest nightmares come true and that dude on the Food Network, Guy Fieri, goes mental and tries to eat my soul with some french fried potatoes and a nice cold Faygo.
3. This is the part where they relay a heartwarming (cautionary?) tale about a bird and the Golden Gate bridge. It goes like this: "I fed a fish to a pelican at Frisco bay. It tried to eat my cell phone, he ran away."
4. This is the part where I wish miming was real.
5. This is the part where he yells "I learned it by watching YOU, ok??!" K..no he doesn't. But I wish he did. This is Guy Fieri's Evil Twin's real kid! For the love of God, leave that lil' Juggalini alone! (Wait..what do we call Juggalo kids? Lil Juggs? Juggateenies? Jugg Nuggs?)
One Important Question or, A Thing To Put In Your Deep Thoughts Basket:
"Fucking magnets, how do they work? And I don't wanna talk to a scientist Y'all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed"
Take that, Science!!! You lying motherfucker!
Please get really comfy and take this all in. Then discard your eyeballs and try to start life all over again.
Today is THE DAY! What day, you ask? The day, my dear friends, that THIS GUY:
My dear old SX-70 land camera, purchased in college for $40 at the height of my Charles & Ray Eames obsession*, will finally be PUT BACK TO WORK.
How's that?
POLAROID FILM IS BACK! The Impossible Project, who took on the task, has done the impossible and saved analog instant joy.
It's called PX SilverShade / First Flush Right now it comes in 100 & 600 ASA, and is only sepia and B&W but color is coming by the end of the year! The film is universal for any working Polaroid camera that uses the battery pack film (SX70s and 600s are the best).
Do you have your scantrons and dixon ticonderogas at the ready? Mmkay, here we go. What does this working gal:
...have in common with THIS workin gal?
Hint: APPARENTLY, they both love to shop at the As Seen On TV store at the Paramus Park mall.
Ok, ok, you give up? They are both wearing...these girdles?
Yes, bloggyblogtowners. what I am telling you is that Gagaloo's costume for the AMA's is the same backfatsucker that is pictured in the above video. KYMARO x HAUS OF GAGA collaboration??
Amazing. Paging USWeekly/InStyle/ladymagseverywhere and their STAR LOOKS FOR LESS columns...Dress like Gaga for $39.99 AND look 10 pounds thinner! It's geeeenballs, really. All you need to finish it is some sort of excavated exoskeleton (free AND green!) et VOILA, you've got the LOOK.
PS, I am only half kidding about the Kymaro x Haus of Gaga collection..they could make some seriously dope bodysucking sheath situations together...some red lace bike short girdles, fake bloodsoaked bustiers, holographic bodysuits? Who knows, sky is the limit; Opening Ceremony would be all over that shit!
eff a YSL tribute tote, the new "free" dope shit are the bags at APC !
suuupersick cotton totes, free (after you drop major bones on some lovely french threads) the blue one is really big...new laptop/gypsy caravan carrier (can def fit all my clothes for a few days in there) ad the red one is regz tote size.
they are rad, i have to say. sidenote, the APC store on mercer has the Supreme x APC tees, they are sorta dope; white with a pic of a girl's fishnet covered legs from the knee down with her ankles tied with rope? it sounds darker than it looks, it is probs a betty page photo.
ANYWAYSLERS the totes are worth a trip down there to maybe grovel for a freebie? mine were a gift after someone's shopping spree. it's really the little things that make me happy, kids.
lest any of you were thinking, as i overheard perez saying after the marc show, that the collection was "totally wearable" (???)..i just wanted to give you a heads up on look #15, which from your computer screen may seem like a demure anklelength sweaterdress...
...but is, in fact, a cashmere ass cooler.
still "wearable" perhaps, but not to the same places you may have thought.
i am only trying to help you, it's because i care!
DAY ONE in a new city that i have never seen before, where you can buy beer at the movies (DREAM REALIZED) and strip clubs are where you play billiards.
jill's lobby. nicer for pics than my hardware store full length on back of door, no? also: reallllly into my mood ring! bring it back!
things that happened:
1. i saw one of my very best friends from growing up for the first time in 10 years. he looks the same, but with sideburns (DOPE) and about 200 more tattoos. it felt like no time passed, i hope i see him every day.
2. i drank a lot of beer. i want to drink less beer, but that may NEVER HAPPEN. i am poor now and beer is cheap.
3. went to a bbq at a serrrriously dope 3 floor apartment that was only marginally more rent than my glorified closet on 2nd street back in ol loisaida. ew, portland, ew.
4. i was accosted at said bbq by a girl who said she wants to fall in love with me on a train (and your name is...?) and then showed me photos from her ex-lover from NYC: a current SNL castmember who sent her pics of HIS MEMBER and it is...a nice size. i actually shrieked.
***i would like to use this moment to go over life standards & practices 101: any kind of nakez pics you send to anyone will ALWAYS be shown to their friends. ALWAYS. just saying.
5. i am staying with my friend jill who couldn't be a better hostess. and she has empire records on dvr. gonna have to come up with a mayjah good thank you present.
6. veeverz is here until saturday..i think there will be epic debauchery tonight. her last words to me before we left the bar last night: "you better bring your lip gloss tomorrow night, because you are getting SO BLOGGED, BITCH". scared?
i also tried to get her to set me up with zach galifianakis but he's too famous now; shoulda gone for it pre-The Hangover. DRATS!
MENTAL NOTE: start taking pictures of shit other than yrself, loser.
ohhh hey now! i am the jauntsetter of the week. (thanks dorothy!!)
maybe you care?
you can read about how 'make me a supermodel' reruns kept me sane on a crazy plane, italy made me a caffeine addict and if i don't watch the big lebowski on most flights, i might freak out.
ps, i basically had to be pulled kicking and screaming to this photoshoot..if it weren't for kat to calm me down and ADF the magical photographer (not to mention the hair and makeup dude who made my nasty hangover face/hair look DECENT)..i woulda stayed home that day.
pps, if you ever need your portrait taken, i highllllyyyyy recommend ADF. he played jay-z, plied me with rose, and acted out scenes from blow up (at my request) to make me feel comfortable. it was almost fun.
we will be discussing dating (?!) and the horrors of, etc. i guess we will offer advice? do you really want advice from me and brendan? think about that before you answer.
i have no idea how i sound on the radio but i have a feeling i will be mortified when i listen to it.
keep in mind: 1. i sound like a slightly bored if hyperactive teenager. 2. my laugh is loud and weird. 3. i say like and ummmm a lot. 4. fucking A, why did i agree to this?
ok so: tonight. 7 PM, live from roberta's (pizza party? wha?) i think you can actually call in with...questions? comments? heritageradionetwork.com 718-497-2128
good grief.
EDIT 1: if you didn't listen live on the internets, our genius is lost forever..archiving it was DENIED for being "too vulgar" !!! fucking a, it was pretty hilarious, i have to say.
EDIT 2: the shirt (cuz i've been asked) is another from my built by wendy archive: beat up bloody boys playing rugby on a rugby tee..LOVE IT!
QUESTION: is the following footwear superpractical for someone (i.e. ME) who is spending the summer on the west coast, probs on a bike, definitely outdoors, maybe in a tree:
brendan inked me up over dinner tonight with a bic...possible practice run?
yes no maybe so?
tattoos scare me but if wes would do it, then i would mabes go for it. cool or dumb. tell me. i'm full of bad (great) ideas lately, wait til i share my crazy news (soon...).
i meannnnn ok this may be just for diehard model/fashion/90s nerds (um guilty, fail) BUT steve just sent me the BEST video (via fashinfags. i love fashinfags. but i digress)
models talking about what they're wearing and who has great style (stella tennant is the only one that names kate moss, oh holy icon)
shalom's EYEBROWS are realllllllly speaking to me. and helena's babybangs. and naomi's everything. and I MISS KIRSTY HUME!
i have had this picture on my desktop for literally two weeks. i keep looking at it with my head cocked to the side like..hmmmmm. nnnnot sure.
i mean, in essence it's a rod laver wedge. which is a shoe close to my heart, i wore rod lavers for most of the 90s. [sidenote- 2 best classic sneakers of all time are rod lavers & sambas. if you find a boy wearing either, jump him. immediately.]
i wish they were just pure white. i kinda can't picture myself wearing these in any normal situation...yet i am bizarrely drawn to them. yes? no? maybe? for when i want to play tennis with kanye and lady gaga on a special snowcourt in dubai? hmmm?
so if you care about these things like I DO (and i want you to, i do i dooo), you know by now that fabien baron & karl templar are out at interview magazine and the M/Ms & joe mckenna are in.
ok, sadface BUT: i am totally BEYONDDDD excited to see the NEW new interview, i mean i die for fab but i die for the M/Ms too (i loooove what they do at arena homme +, among a bjillion other thangs)
their first cover popped up on the internets yesterday:
they hit the archivez and brought the logo back to the seventies era of interview, i was instantly reminded of the january 79 capote cover:
..actually the 70s aesthetic of interview is SUUPER m/m steez, lots of cut paper scribble collage-y ness:
quite a departure from the cold future fashion covers that fabby fabz was giving us, i will miss it:
